


The way your makeup stains my pillowcase

by barbvin



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Choking, Dreams, F/M, Heartbreak, Pining, Sadness, Spanking, lots of dreams, things took a turn obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:28:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbvin/pseuds/barbvin
Summary: FP's biggest fears come back to haunt him in the form of nightmares revolving around a certain blonde, who he can't seem to keep out of his head.He can't sleep, he can't think straight and he can't forget it, so he has to figure out a way to make it go away, whatever that may be.





	1. Chapter 1

_The lights were blinding for a minute before his eyes got used to it._

_It looked like the spring fair, it felt like the spring fair. The bright colors, the noises, the signs, it all was so familiar. People ran around, excited, trying to get to the place where they would have the most fun, as quickly as they could. The sun shined on everything as far as he could see and it just seemed like a good day to be outside._

_“Riverdale Spring Fair, 1991  
April 25-28”_

_FP stood there, confused, disoriented._

_He recognized the olive dress, the soft fabric was flowing in the wind just a couple steps ahead of him. The straps were trying so hard to hold on to her shoulders, but failing miserably as he could see more of her back every second. Her curls bounced as she skipped, almost hypnotizing him._

_“Come on, baby, we gotta get to the wheel in time”, she hurried him, turning around to show him a pout._

_She looked just as beautiful as she did at their prom. Her lips moved slowly as she spoke, and eventually turned into a smile that warmed every inch of his body. The sparkles around her eyes were as intense as the sun; he could barely stand looking directly at her, but he had to, it felt like she could slip away at any second._

_So he ran after her. He knew he was out of shape and an entire life of smoking would catch up to him, but his lungs would have to take it. He had to run after Alice, even though it felt like he would never reach her._

_And suddenly everyone and everything was gone._

_They weren’t at the fair anymore. They were at the tracks right next to Pop’s and it was as dark as a night could get._

_The sparkles around her eyes were tears and the frown on her face made him feel empty, but full of guilt at the same time. She took off his jacket and threw it away, it was gone just like that._

_He tried. He tried so hard to hold her, to keep her close. His fingers were just grazing the dress but he couldn’t reach her._

_She started getting away, and that’s when he noticed the damage. Her dress was stained black, stripes and spots everywhere, every place he had tried to reach for. It was his hands, they were dirty._

_And she disappeared, and he was left on the south side of the tracks by himself._

FP felt the massive headache as soon as he lifted his head from the pillow. The day was off to a bad start, like it had happened many times before. With a deep breath and his eyes closed, he took a second to try to erase some of that from his mind, but knew all too well that it wasn’t going anywhere.

“Coffee?” Jughead asked as soon as he walked out of the bedroom.

 The two men settled quietly on the table. His son had a newspaper that kept him busy like he did every morning and FP ate some toast while he observed. Jones men weren’t talkers, they had never been.

FP’s father was probably the worst person he had ever met. He was no doubt the worst father, and he had some tough competition, considering Alice’s dad was an alcoholic and Fred’s used to beat him up. But the man who raised him had made sure he covered those two areas and so many more.

He never wanted to be like that, didn’t want to raise a son who would have to go through the same things he did. Yet he was like his dad in so many ways.

It was a painful realization, the day he found himself screaming at his son, abandoned by his wife, sitting in a couch surrounded by empty liquor bottles. The disappointment he felt was stronger than anything, and it had forced him to make a change. At least he thought he was doing better.

But Jughead and FP never talked. They had small conversations about his articles, and sat in comfortable silence for hours. There was that time his son had to ask him if he was a murderer, but maybe that wasn’t exactly the type of fatherly talks he had imagined he would have.

The first time FP had held Jughead in his arms he had planned everything. He wanted to take him to play soccer, as soon as the boy could walk, maybe even be the trainer; that would’ve been a nice experience. He wanted to drop him off at school every day with a nice lunch made at home, dress up as a superhero for his birthday parties, buy him the nicest car when he turned 16, have him be the smartest Jones ever.

Jughead was the smartest Jones ever, he still had managed to make that one come true, of course without his dad’s help.

But most of all he had dreamed of being a good father, someone that small baby could trust one day, when he needed help. He had to try, he had to get better and he had to be the one who made the effort.

“Hey so, can I ask you something?”

The boy looked up from the paper he was focused on. It definitely had piqued his interest, but it took him a couple seconds to actually respond. The reading material was folded and placed on the table, before he took a sip from his mug.

“Is something wrong?”

The question came with a suspicious tone and it was close to breaking his heart, but he couldn’t let it discourage him, after all, it was his own doing.

 “Well, yes. I’ve been having weird nightmares for a while now”, FP started to explain and Jughead seemed to let out air he had been holding in “I tried going to sleep earlier, and eating better, but I don’t know how to get rid of them”.

The boy looked like he was talking a little time. Maybe he couldn’t come up with an answer, or maybe the idea of having an honest, normal, average conversation with his dad for the first time was a scary thing.

“I would say therapy but it’s not like we can afford that”, Jughead gave one of his classic snarky answers “What are they about?”

“Things from the past, bad memories from when I was younger, but all mixed together in weird ways”, he explained vaguely, it should be enough.

“Maybe you could write them down. That’s what Betty does”, Jughead provided advice sincerely. There wasn’t any kind of sarcasm in his tone.

FP made a sandwich for his son after that. He prepared it carefully and wrapped it securely. Wasn’t trying to brag, but he had been working at Pop’s for a while and his culinary skills were better than ever, which wasn’t saying much, but he could still put them to good use.

Before his shift, he looked around the house for a pen and a notebook. It was rather small and the pages were yellow, who knew how old that thing was, but it would have to do.

 

_She was crying. The tears were falling down her cheeks while she sat right outside his trailer._

_The door was open but she wouldn’t go inside. The trailer park looked empty, at least emptier than it usually was, although the lights seemed to be all on. And she kept crying and sobbing and wailing._

_“I love you, I always will”, she almost screamed, holding on to anything she could._

_No one was trying to get her away, nothing was keeping her from just staying. Yet she kept getting more and more agitated, as if the moment she had to leave was closer every second, and there was no way to stop it._

_“I don’t know how to this, I don’t know how I would ever live without you”_

_He wanted to yell at her, beg her not to leave, but he couldn’t make any noise. She didn’t even seem to notice he was there._

_She looked so beautiful still. Her mascara was running down her face, she was wearing a hoodie that looked barely familiar, but he couldn’t quite point it out, and she was using the sleeves to try and fix it. Useless because she wouldn’t stop crying._

_His heart felt heavy and his stomach suddenly had a knot. Alice wasn’t supposed to be upset, not on his watch._

_“Allie, ba_ be, please stay”

He woke himself up talking.

FP felt like a ridiculous god damn teenager. But on the other hand the nightmares were so realistic, they felt like memories.

They weren’t, things had been different. Alice Smith would’ve never talked about love, and FP Jones would’ve never begged.

The notebook had been placed on the nightstand right next to his bed, so he grabbed it and wrote every frame, every feeling, every word. He wasn’t a great writer, Jughead had not gotten that gene from him.

But he understood then why Jug had recommended it.

Seeing the scene on paper, rather than inside his head, made it all settle in. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t a memory and it wasn’t happening. It was just a nightmare, his own imagination using his biggest fears to scare him.

It just happened that his biggest fear had come true already, and he had lost the only woman he had ever loved.


	2. Chapter 2

_Her back was soft, a little bit cold to the touch. But he had to feel every bone that he could notice through the skin, he had to outline every muscle and make her shiver every time he made too much contact._

_The sheets came up to her hips, covering up just enough for him to feel frustrated, and want to throw them away. The white fabric was teasing him, making him go crazy. It was the only thing keeping him from having the complete view, from appreciating the entire scene._

_Alice was in his bed naked, right next to him._

_The sunlight was peeking through a window and shining right on her hair, the blonde curls were his own personal source of light and everything would be okay as long as he never had to leave that room._

_Because he could touch her this time. He could drag the tips of his fingers from her shoulders, through the back of her neck, to the small of her back and even further. He could wrap his arms around her waist and pull her close, breathing in deep and feeling his chest again her skin. He could press his cock against her butt and listen to her mumbling and moaning._

_“Please, fuck me like last night”, she begged._

_But he didn’t remember the night before._

_His hand still made its way to her stomach, just to pull her closer to him, if it was even possible. The little high pitched complaints made his chest jump, forcing him to take deep breaths and keep himself in check._

_She threw her head back over his shoulder, and every sound she made was closer to him, was tempting him more._

_“I want you so bad”, she was imploring._

_He wasn’t doing much, but she was panting right into his ear, melting into his arms. Every inch of their bodies touching was torturing him, making him turn into a frantic mess. His heart was on fire, and it was trying to burn as much of her as possible._

_Yet she was still cold as ice._

_“We’re never gonna leave this bed if you keep doing that to me”, she whispered._

_She sounded satisfied, and seemed to be collecting herself._

_Suddenly Alice turned around and was facing him. He couldn’t help but bring a hand up to her face, to touch her lips, feel her smile. It was a rare sight._

_They were kissing. It was soft, innocent, didn’t fit the scene. But Alice was giggling while she placed small pecks all over his lips, his cheeks and his neck, and he wasn’t going to complain._

The room was completely dark except for the clock by his bed that said the time was 5:39 AM.

He was supposed to get up to go to work in twenty minutes.

He lifted his head from the bed, drowsy, not sure how to handle the situation best. The notebook seemed to be calling him, the bright red on the cover screaming for him. He reached for it and placed it right next to his head.

Should he write about that? It hadn’t been a nightmare, quite the opposite in fact.

It felt dirty. It made him feel like a gross old man to write about a sex dream involving a married woman. Maybe he was a gross old man just for having it at all. He placed the red book under his head, hoping somehow through osmosis the words would write themselves. They wouldn’t. And he wouldn’t be able to stay in bed either.

FP went to turn on the shower. It was a choice, it felt like the moment of truth. Hot or cold water. How would he deal with the situation?

Hot it was.

Before he knew it his hand was on his dick. One arm was against the wall for stability, the other one moving fast so it could be over quick. His eyes were sealed shut as he tried and failed not to think about the blonde. It was overwhelming how she could invade every thought and feeling he would come up with. He settled on a vague memory of her bra coming off and when he came he could almost hear her asking for more.

 

“Can I sit here for a second?” Alice’s voice made him jump, she was pointing at the seat across from him.

“Sure, yeah”, he quickly replied.

They weren’t on bad terms. Not with their kids dating, which seemed like a long term deal and her finally trying to be less of a stuck up. They would cross paths and smile kindly, say hi and rush off. Never more than that, that would require endless conversations about the past, about wounds that had already been closed.

He knew his notebook would disagree with that, but FP always thought denial was a look good on him.

“How’s it going?” She asked politely.

She clearly didn’t want a real answer, as she buried her face on a newspaper and tried to drink her coffee as fast as her stomach would allow her. But Alice Cooper trying to be cordial and polite was not something everyone experienced, so he would have to take his small victory and appreciate it.

“Just done with my shift, waiting for Jug”, he let her know he wasn’t alone, he didn’t need pity.

“Oh, good. I hear Betty is going over for dinner on Sunday, she says you promised to cook something for her”, she said and giggled.

It took him somewhere. Sometimes he thought it was just dreams, nothing felt real anymore after years of pushing it down as far as he could. But the laugh was a reminder.

A reminder of every time he had prepared burned disgusting meals for Allie, of every Saturday night they had spent tangled around each other, of the couple rare times he had managed a good plate and they had fed each other while chuckling and kissing and playing and screaming.

The teasing was worth more than a thousand words.

“It would be a shame if I hadn’t learned anything in twenty years. You should come too”, he proposed. It wasn’t intentional. It was completely impulsive and not thought through at all.

“Maybe I will”, she offered with a smile.

The coffee was empty and she couldn’t linger. She had to get up and leave and he knew it.

 

“How are the dreams going?” Jughead brought up the topic.

It felt like progress to FP, and he was almost chocking up at the thought of maybe being able to have genuine conversations with his son, finally.

Except he couldn’t. Except his son didn’t know the story and couldn’t know the story.

“It’s been getting better since I’ve been writing them down, it hasn’t been that bad lately”, he explained enough to help his son not worry.

“Good. I’m glad. Betty started doing it last year and she pulled me into it for a while. Especially considering everything that has happened, the nightmares were getting pretty terrifying”

He would ignore the sudden pain in his heart, like it had been stabbed with the smallest needle. His son had been afraid, and he hadn’t been supportive. He would ignore it because he was trying to be better, he had to focus on being better.

“You know, you can talk to me too if anything happens”

“I know, but you have your own stuff and I’m fine, nothing to worry about”

“But you’re my son and that’s my priority, making sure you’re okay”

“Jeez dad, it’s too early for this”, the boy complained quickly.

Jug’s hand was covering his eyes, a move FP knew all too well. It was useless, although they didn’t fall, the tears were still there, smudged all over his face.

He was his father’s son after all. There were some things he couldn’t fight, the genes would win, and other things that were his fault. And even though it wasn’t the best, in some way it felt nice to see Jughead be so much like him.

He couldn’t help but feel proud somehow, because even though he was the first one to admit he had been a horrible father, Jughead had turned out to be a good man.

Maybe the third time was the charm and, whether he tried or not, the Forthyse Pendleton curse would be broken.

 

The trailer smelled good on that Sunday morning. FP had spent more time than he cared to admit on the food and it seemed to be worth it.

It would be even better once Betty showed up.

The girl had sparkles in her eyes when the idea of a family meal had come up. She had immediately made the plans and proposed a menu.

There was something so nice about the way Betty Cooper cared for his son, something that made him question every decision he had ever made. She didn’t only lean on him and support him, she pushed him to be better, in his own terms. She embraced every part of him, and accepted the dark parts of his life as if they were her own. It was unlikely, that the two of them would’ve found each other and fit so well. It was unthinkable, that a Jones man would find someone to love him, to take care of him, to make him happy.

It was proof that Jughead was predestined for something better, and FP had no say in it.

It was proof as well that Betty Cooper was anything but the nice girl next door everyone made her out to be.

She showed up with ice cream but without Alice.

“Mr. Jones, I think that’s too much pasta for just the three of us”, she tried to help and she was right.

Maybe FP had gotten his hopes up. Maybe he thought his old friend would show up with a bottle of wine and they could joke about things their kids wouldn’t understand. Maybe he wished she would’ve stuck around to catch up over a cup of coffee when the teenagers were gone. Maybe he was hoping to feel something even remotely similar to the way they had felt once.

“It’s FP, please!” he reminded her and the girl laughed nervously “I know, I just thought I’d make some extra in case someone else showed up”.

He tried but he wasn’t good at lying. Thankfully there was no way for those two smart kids to figure that one out.

 “My mom told me to be careful, but this is really good”, Betty said with a smile on her face and her mouth full of food, causing her boyfriend to chuckle.

“And this would be the first time your mom is wrong about me. It’s a shame she’s not here to hear you”

The blonde was clearly amused and he wondered how much shit Alice talked about him. Not to say she was wrong. He would never argue with her, he would never defend himself. But he wondered how much time Alice spent thinking about him, talking about him, _dreaming_ about him.

“I’ll convince her to come over next time”, Betty suggested and Jughead immediately tried to shut it down “I wanna hear the stories! Don’t you wanna know about our parents being frenemies?”

FP laughed. That had to be the biggest understatement in history.

“I’m sure your mom’s busy. Not sure she’d be too comfortable coming to the Southside, and I don’t think there’s that much to tell anyway”

Lying, lying and more lying.

“I’m betting you know the story of how she was arrested, because my dad sure doesn’t”, Betty pressured.

Like mother like daughter, he thought.

“I don’t think she wants me tell that story. Especially not to you”, FP laughed, enjoying the familiar bickering.

“Come on, how much ice cream will it take to bribe you?” she asked confident “You two hate each other anyway, I’m sure it would be fun to embarrass her”.

“There’s no way I’m making Alice Cooper be mad at me, not enough ice cream in the world for that”, he assured her “You don’t know the half of it, and you couldn’t handle the truth, so stay out of it”

He should’ve remembered who she was, because the teasing was interpreted as a challenge, and the mischievous smile on her face was one of the most terrifying things he had ever seen.

 

_A small room painted all in white, barely big enough for him to walk in. The crib inside was all white, and so was the rocking chair._

_FP thought the baby was sleeping. It was so quiet inside, that maybe if he thought too much someone would hear him. But the boy was awake and as soon as he leaned over, the child looked at him with eyes wide open._

_He wanted to go see Allie, but he knew they wouldn’t let him, it wasn’t allowed._

_Instead he picked up the small human, being as careful as possible. It had been too long since the last time he had held a baby. It was scary, but he held him in his arms and sat on the chair._

_There was a smile on the boy’s face. FP knew babies that young didn’t smile, but there was a small smirk and it was warming up his heart, so it would be better not to doubt it._

_Charles did what every baby does. He drooled all over his bib, every now and then let out a weird scream, and moved his feet as if he wanted to go somewhere. He also held onto FP’s finger, he grabbed it and wouldn’t let go._

_“I’m not keeping him”, said Alice, leaning on the doorframe._

_FP just managed to look up at her. It was her, but something was off._

_They were sitting at Pop’s. Alice was right across from him, sipping her coffee and reading her paper. A white shirt under her pink cardigan, her lips pale pink and her hair carefully curled. Charles was still in his arms, drooling and moving and trying to get his attention._

_“Don’t get attached Forsythe, it’s not your kid”, she added, staring at him through her black glasses “It’s Hal’s and I have to give it away, otherwise he won’t take me back”_

_A nurse walked in through the door, they looked up at the sound of the bell. She was trying to get Charles, but the baby wouldn’t let go of his finger. After a couple seconds, she forced him to let go and took him away._

_“We’re getting married next spring”, she continued, as if nothing had happened “I don’t think you’ll be invited”_

The alarm clock woke him up before anything else was said.

If it wasn’t so damn disturbing, he would’ve cried. If it wasn’t so incoherent, messy and irrational, he would’ve been worried.

But it wasn’t worth it to torture himself over a kid that had never been his. It wasn’t reasonable to be aching for a girl he had lost a lifetime ago.

 

“FP Jones, what brings you around here?” the blonde teased, walking behind him through the parking lot, towards Pop’s.

“I’m not gonna pretend like I’ve never missed my kid’s birthday, but I decided to show up this year”, he joked and the laugh he got back surprised him a bit.

“I’m glad you did. Elizabeth was worried you wouldn’t come”, she caught up to him and he knew he wasn’t off the hook “Problems with the serpents? Don’t worry, she won’t tell me anything, no matter how much I insist”.

“Well, she’s a loyal one, must’ve gotten it from you. I don’t know if you remember but–”

“Oh, shut it”, she interrupted annoyed and ran ahead of him.

It was better.

Lately they were teasing each other, joking, even fighting sometimes, whenever they ran into each other. It was so much better than small talk, rude comments and weird staring. There had been a big shift, and FP had no idea what had caused it.

It was a small party. When Jughead asked for small, he meant four people.

So Betty sat close to him on one side of the booth, barely leaving room for him to move. FP watched worried, almost ready to tell the boy off when he moved away. Instead he put an arm around her shoulders, pushing her into his side, making her blush.

Proud to watch his boy grow into the man he never was.

They watched as the young Cooper girl got on the bike, behind her boyfriend, with confidence, at the end of the night. Her mom had tried to convince her to take the car, but they were heading to the Wyrm and the girl didn’t want to be seen in that.

“Can you blame her?” FP asked, as soon as the lovebirds were gone “The Alice I knew would be ashamed”.

“The Alice you knew would’ve never been able to afford a car this nice”, she snapped back “I’m not worried, I’m sure Jughead is a better driver than you”.

“To be fair, it would be difficult to be worse than me”.

She laughed at his joke and he was suddenly lost in a million memories. It wasn’t just the fact that they were playing nice.

It was Alice and FP, standing in the parking lot outside of Pop’s. It was the place where they had their first date, their first kiss, their first fight, their last date, their last kiss and their last fight.

“It’s nice to be here with you”, she let out after a couple seconds, and his stomach was suddenly in a knot “All of us, our kids. It’s been a wild life”, she added.

“Could’ve been wilder”

“It was fun while it lasted. I’m glad to have you back, anyway”, she told him and that time she meant it.

“Want to get a coffee?” he invited her on an impulse. It seemed like he did that a lot lately.

“Oh. I’d love to, but I genuinely can’t. I have an important meeting early in the morning”, she explained and apologized profusely.

“Don’t worry Allie, not the first time you reject me”, he defended himself, hopping on his bike.

“And I hope it won’t be the last”.

Or at least that’s what he thought she said. His helmet was already on and she had already started walking away.

He would head to the Whyte Wyrm and drink until he could sleep.

He remembered being sat on a table with Jughead and Betty, joking around until they all were crying from laughter. He remembered how in love the kids looked, how happy and blissful they seemed. He remembered Betty asking if her mom had ever been a normal teenager. He remembered telling her the story about Alice Smith kissing a boy outside of Pop’s, and running inside to tell her friends while giggling. He didn’t remembered, but he prayed that he hadn’t talked more.

 

_It was the old couch he had to throw out, he knew because it was so unbelievably uncomfortable and ugly. He was alone in the trailer, it was late at night but most of the lights were off._

_But the room seemed to brighten up when Allie walked in. She was wearing one of his shirts, as she sat next to him and cuddled up to his side. Her hair was tickling his neck and he knew he hated the feeling, he knew he used to complain about it all the time, but it felt okay and maybe he had missed it._

_His hand was caressing her legs, up and down. He loved her legs. He loved every part of her, but he worshipped her legs as if they were god herself. His fingers lightly stroke her skin and she hummed happily._

_“I love you”, she whispered, looking up at him with a smile before softly kissing his lips._

His notebook was running out of pages and he was running out of patience.


	3. Chapter 3

_She was sitting on the bench right outside of the trailer park, where he used to find her every afternoon._

_FP walked over her, and even though he didn’t get any reaction, he sat down next to her. Alice didn’t seem to care at all. She started digging around in her bag and taking out items for her makeup, he could definitely recognize some. They were slowly arranged, partly on the seat, on her lap and on his lap._

_“I have to get ready before I leave”, she started talking._

_Her process had begun and she seemed to be in a hurry._

_“Hal doesn’t like it when I don’t wear makeup”, she chatted while she went through the products “To be fair I think that’s his mom. I heard her say I wasn’t a ‘proper lady’ the other day. Like, of course I’m not, I’m a god damn serpent, I live in a trailer, and I barely have money eat for the rest of the month. And she expects me to show up in an expensive dress and cute makeup for every date. Fuck that”_

_Alice seemed genuinely riled up, but her fingers were still steady while they worked everything into her face._

_“And on top of that, on top of the work I have to do just to be presentable for him, he doesn’t even appreciate it. He pretends he likes the good girl, you know. But he likes me the same way you do, the same way everyone does”_

_FP listened attentive while the young girl aired her thoughts, tried to figure out what he was supposed to do._

_“He likes me in short skirts and with my leather jacket on, because that’s who I am, that’s who I’ll always be. I don’t know why he wants to turn me into something else for everyone to see”_

_Alice was done with her makeup and she quickly got all her stuff and threw it into her bag. And even though she seemed to be in a hurry, she wasn’t leaving. She seemed stuck there, next to him, hands resting on her lap as if she was forgetting something._

_“I need your help”, she suddenly let out as if she had remembered._

_They were sitting on his couch again, but for some reason she had straddled his lap. Her hands settled on his shoulders and as much as he wanted to run away, she was holding him down._

_“Baby, you have taught me everything I know, but I don’t know how to kiss like he wants me to”, she complained, grinding down on his hips “I don’t know how to be patient and calm, I don’t know how to be sweet and innocent, I don’t know how to keep him wanting more”_

_Her tongue outlined his lips before making its way into his mouth. He cursed every second of his existence, every choice that had led him to that moment._

_“I just know you and me. I know I want you and you want me. We don’t have to lie or pretend to be saints. You love me the way I am, and I don’t need to put up an act”_

_FP tried to resist, tried to keep her still while she was torturing him. Her nails were lightly scratching at the back of his neck, while she nibbled right under his jaw and the moans coming out of her made him shiver, anxious to touch every part of her._

_“Why can’t he love me the way you do?”_

If FP had to define what a nightmare was, that would’ve been a pretty good example.

At least he was just waking up from a nap. Even though he was drowsy and felt terrible, he hadn’t thrown his entire day away, like it had been happening lately. A cup of coffee, maybe followed by a glass of whisky, would have to fix it. It was Friday night anyway.

His phone’s light was suddenly on with an alarm.

“Do you think I could get a coffee at the Wyrm? I’m supposed to pick up Betty tonight. If you don’t have some, I expect you to make sure to get it for me”, said the text from Alice.

He used the ounce of dignity he had left, and didn’t reply. Not immediately, and not ever. He was outraged at the thought of being her servant. It was infuriating that she would ask so casually after rejecting him the other night.

FP still picked up coffee on his way to the Whyte Wyrm, and made sure it was ready to serve whenever she arrived. And the smile on her face when she received the cup erased the little anger left inside of him.

“I think this is the first time I’ve stood here and not ordered tequila”, she greeted him when he approached.

“That might be true. I don’t think you’ve ever ordered whiskey either, but you sure as hell drank all of mine”, he offered another memory back.

They stared at each other. Both of them seemed to hope the exchange wouldn’t end, but it died quick as any other recollection would’ve been too hurtful to bring up.

As much as it pained him, he had to look away from her eyes and guide her stare in the direction of her daughter, who was busy laughing with her friends around the pool table. Alice’s face couldn’t hide the sadness at all; maybe she had the exact same memories he did.

“I might hang out for a bit, I don’t want to interrupt”, she quickly retrieved.

It was strange. Everything about that scene was strange. Alice Cooper was back at the Whyte Wyrm, pink cardigan on and a shy stare. It made sense that no one recognized her.

Except for FP. He couldn’t have missed Alice no matter what world they were on.

They sat together quietly for a while. Truth was the scene was just strange. It took FP so much time to get used to being here without her, to having fun without her, to living his life without her, that it felt like falling into old habits.

“It’s nice to see you here”, he finally let out.

It wasn’t happy, he tried to, but didn’t sound too happy. The words didn’t even carry emotion as they left his mouth. Was it really nice? He wasn’t sure.

She smiled at him, and quickly took a sip from her coffee.

“The place looks nice, I like what you’ve done with it”, she joked and finally brought some warmth back into his body.

“Yeah, it’s not me. It’s the kids. I think it’s good that they have their own place here, and they want to keep it nice”

She looked at him while he talked. Not like it was small talk or just passing time. She made eye contact and she smiled and she listened and she cared. She hadn’t done that for so long he had forgotten how good it felt. Young FP knew at least one thing, when Alice paid attention to him it was a blessing, and it still felt like one.

Hanging out with Alice felt like a relapse. It was more addictive than when he started drinking again, but so much more worth it.

 

“So, my mom sat down and had a full coffee before?” Betty asked curious the next day.

She had come over and the three of them were having a lazy Sunday watching a movie, at least Jughead was. Betty wouldn’t stop asking questions, apparently shocked by her mother’s behavior.

“Yes. We were there for like half an hour before you saw her. She’s been there before, you have figured out that much already”, he was trying so hard to finish the conversation and be able to watch the movie.

“But she’s been so ashamed about it recently. I don’t get it. She can’t tell me how she got there or anything about it, but she can show up and just order a fucking drink?” The girl was getting mad and that just wasn’t going to end well for anyone.

“You know her pretty well, I don’t have to explain it to you. She has a life and a reputation and she values that. She’s been supportive of your choice, so maybe you should be more supportive of hers”

There was a small silence. Betty’s position on the couch shifted slightly, as she turned towards the TV, and he thought that finally they were done with the conversation.

“No, you don’t have to explain it”, she spoke very slowly, her eyes narrowing and focused on him “you might be right, you seem to know her pretty well”, she finished before turning her attention to the film.

 

_Was it Thornhill? It looked like Thornhill, even though he hadn’t been there in 20 years, it looked familiar somehow. The pool’s water was crystal clear as he remembered it, but he was sitting in the edge and had no intention of jumping in._

_There was something more interesting outside._

_She always did that. It was a bright yellow bikini for a reason. As if her body wasn’t enough, the color of the fabric forced everyone to look at her. She loved every second of it, and used it to get whatever she wanted._

_But no one else was there. It was just the two of them._

_So when she slowly stood up, making sure she moved her hair out of the way so it wouldn’t block the view, it was for him. When she leaned down for a second pretending to grab something, and bent her back in the perfect angle, it was for him. When she put her sunglasses on top of her head and walked over, it had to be towards him._

_“I wish you looked like this when we were together”, Alice said standing next to him._

_Up closer he could see the details. The bra was way too small for her, just how he remembered. There was a red tint on her lips and shimmer all over her body._

_That was a picture he wished he never had to forget._

_But then he processed the words. And he looked at her, and looked at himself. He was still himself, the scars and the wrinkles and the tattoos and every mark the years had gave him. But she was not a day older than eighteen, her hair long and her smile so bright._

_God, he felt bad. It was not supposed to happen like that._

_“I know what you wanna do, so let’s just get to it”, she whispered playfully as she straddled his lap and giggled._

_Her lips were kissing him and they were just as soft as he remembered them, as she lazily dragged them around his mouth. He felt her nails scratching the back of his neck and the shivers didn’t take long, every nerve in his body was tingling. She always knew how to do that._

_It was so tempting, it would’ve been a challenge to hold back, and he wasn’t up for it. His hands moved over to her butt, and he roughly grabbed at the muscle. The kissing stopped, as she had to whimper and beg right next to his ear._

_“What can I do to make you hard for me?” she teased._

_He remembered the torture all too well. Alice’s attempts to get him into the worst situations and the pleasure she got out of it._

_Alice was untying the bikini before he could think of an answer, and he was definitely not thinking about anything else after that. He made sure to kiss every inch of her chest as he pushed her closer and closer, until there wasn’t even air between them._

_She was riding him through the swimsuit, giving him all the friction she could and it was killing him. He was agitated, frantic and out of control. She was there kissing him but he was thrusting up into nothing and it never felt like she was close enough._

_“Please, daddy”, she moaned into his ear._

It was just outright embarrassing to wake up alone in his bed and his own mess in his own pants. He added a little note after writing down what he remembered, explaining how much Alice would’ve loved that.

 

It was different, and nice, to wake up to black curls and golden skin.

Maybe it was the years catching up to him but he missed so many things, and so many people. There was something he needed, the familiarity of someone who knew him, that would understand what he was going through somehow, even if he couldn’t explain all of it.

He wrapped an arm around Hermione’s waist blindly, while burying his face in her hair.

“Oh, don’t get all cuddly on me Jones. We’ve avoided that for a while, I don’t think you wanna start now”, she joked, but didn’t get away from his grip.

It was the high school fantasy: the rich popular girl, giving attention to the poor bad boy from the ugly side of town. They both got off on that, always had, but what he always looked forward to was the morning after banter. She had always been an expert at that.

“Just wanted to try, yeah, it’s not working”, he shot back and after one final squeeze and a laugh, he released her.

“So, are we gonna talk about it?” she asked a little bit more serious, turning to look at him.

Hermione had always been so beautiful. The perfect skin, deep brown eyes framed perfectly by her black curls and lips that most people would kill to kiss. A waist so small he had been afraid to break her at times the night before, while he tried to held on to her to thrust as deep as he could. Even then, completely naked and barely covered by the sheets, her skin glowing golden, she was one of the most beautiful sights.

“We used to do this all the time, what’s the big deal?”

“First of all, we’re not sixteen anymore”, she teased him “Come on, you only used to call me when Alice left you for some new jerk, I know the drill”.

And suddenly there was a look on her face, somewhere in between realization and panic.

“No, don’t get ideas in your head”, he quickly shut it down “Not all married ladies are as fun as you are”.

“Well, Hiram and Hal have been busy lately with who knows what, so maybe she was also going back into old habits”

It was a funny idea to entertain for a second, but the only one going back into old habits was him. First it was letting the blonde fill every second of his day and night and every thought he ever had, then it was calling his friend and fucking until every worry was gone.

“She’s not”, he let out with a huff of air that didn’t do him any favors.

“Aw, please don’t tell me you’re pining after her again. We’re 45 years old, I thought we were over that!” she was mean but her tone was affectionate, exactly how the old _Minnie_ would do it.

“You’re the one who ran to my trailer as soon as she had the opportunity to cheat on Hiram so stop grilling me, Minnie”

She laughed at that. She laughed so loud and genuinely that he thought maybe he should ask. There was definitely something serious there.

But it wasn’t their deal, it never had been. He called and they fucked. There was no cuddling or feelings. There wasn’t anything about the outside world. They were just two good friends dealing with the situation the best they could. Or maybe they were too old for this, with families, and responsibilities, and they shouldn’t do it anymore.

Either way, they had breakfast together and caught up as much as they could, knowing it probably wouldn’t happen again anytime soon.

It was time for FP to break out of his old habits for good, and he knew exactly where to start.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Do you think you would’ve done anything differently?” Alice asked, sitting right across from him at a booth at Pop’s._

_Her stare was intense, as if she was waiting for him to make a movement, and get her answer from it. He wasn’t moving at all, he was barely even breathing. She was getting increasingly frustrated as she waited for him to break._

_There wasn’t any real answer he could’ve given him, even if he had been able to respond._

_So instead she broke down crying._

_But not just like that. It was his Alice, the Alice he remembered, and everything she did was a show._

_At first she pouted and slowly blinked while the water started to fill her eyes. She did it to get a reaction, and it always did. Then she let the tears fall down, through her cheeks and finally drop on to her chest, giving the black leather some glossy spots. And finally, the whining and sobbing, high pitched sounds that would make his heart break no matter how little attention he tried to pay._

_“I thought you loved me”, she complained._

_It was the final move, it was the nuclear weapon. He had heard it so many times, and yet he never got used to it._

_It still broke him._

“Mr. Jones, please, my mom offered to cook and you don’t even have to bring anything”, Betty was relentless, and it was pretty obvious where she had gotten that from.

“I’m sure she’s busy, we don’t have to waste an entire night”, FP tried but he was running out of excuses “I don’t think your dad would be thrilled, you know, and I’m not really in the mood for-”

“Oh, okay”, the girl let out, weird.

Giving up was not something he had ever seen Betty Cooper do. But she finally was in silence, as she went back to her boyfriend and their friends, who were right by the pool tables. She looked sad, or at least he thought so.

He didn’t even try to understand, that was a lesson he had learned with time.

 

“Dad”, Jughead started softly as he sat down next to his dad.

The Jones went all out for breakfast, especially after a night of drinking. There was toast and cereal and bacon and eggs and coffee and milk and orange juice and everything else they could afford to put on the table.

But the tone of the boy wasn’t the usual. And Jughead was usually a happy person when he encountered an excessive amount of food available for him to eat. Something was off.

“So, you had a little talk with Betty last night”, he pointed out.

FP drank a sip of coffee and took a bite from his toast before putting it down, not sure how long it would be until he was able to pick it back up again.

“I did”

“About?” the boy inquired, but only found silence “She wouldn’t tell me but she seemed upset about it”.

“She wanted me to go have dinner at her place today”, FP finally explained.

But it wasn’t enough. Jughead still looked confused and still wasn’t eating, which wasn’t normal. Finally he took a sip from his orange juice but his eyes were furrowed and it wouldn’t be long before he continued. FP knew his boy.

“I wasn’t invited”

“That’s strange”

Jughead wasn’t speaking anymore, and FP was hungry. He knew he wanted to be a better dad, but sacrificing the most important meal of the day just to stare at the floor in silence didn’t seem like something he should do. So he picked up his spoon with some cereal in it, but it didn’t make it into his mouth.

“What did you tell her?”

“I said no. She tried to convince me but it wasn’t a good idea. Alice was offering to cook and Betty said they wanted to make amends with me. I explained everything was fine, they didn’t need to. I finally got out of it by saying putting me and Hal in the same room wasn’t a great idea”, FP explained so maybe they could finally be done with it.

“Dad, no”

The boy spoke and was as frustrated as he had ever seen him. For literally no reason. And his breakfast was still untouched.

He dramatically took his beanie off, rubbed his forehead with his fingers and sighed so loudly the whole town would hear him. A classic Jughead scene.

“Her dad left like a month ago”

He finally let the secret out and things started to click inside FP’s head. Not that he understood anything, he was more confused than before, but at least he knew why Betty was upset, which was enough in that moment.

“And you didn’t think that was something you should mention?!” FP almost yelled.

“She told me not to tell anybody. She actually told me ‘Not a word to anybody, especially not your dad’, what was I supposed to do? I thought Mrs. Cooper had told you on one of your little coffee dates”, he finished in a mocking tone.

FP was furious. He couldn’t believe he was being treated as if he was the one on the wrong there. They had dragged his son into their family secrets and drama and fights but they were not dragging him; at least not again.

But the ‘Mrs. Cooper’ was the really funny part, so much that after a couple seconds he couldn’t keep in a giggle, which sparked fury in his son. He decided to let go the disrespectful comment momentarily, there hadn’t been any dates, but it would have to wait.

“So, what else do you know?” he asked, resuming the meal “I mean, you’ve told me the most important part already, might as well give me the details and maybe I’ll ignore the fact that you lied to me for a month”.

“Not a lie. Just, didn’t tell you”

The boy tried to justify himself but FP just had to furrow his eyebrows and give him a stare. He didn’t need to say anything.

“They are signing the divorce papers next week I think”, Jughead said and finally started eating “That’s why I’ve been spending so much time there. Mrs. Cooper has been stress baking and Betty needs someone to help her eat. I’m afraid she might be moving on to stress cooking, if they invited you over. God, I need to go over, we can’t just be eating here”.

Jughead seemed nervous. Actually, he seemed terrified, as he stopped eating again and started running around the trailer to get ready until he left.

Things sounded awful.

But FP had seen Alice a couple times in the last month. A couple times was a lie he had been telling himself, his son and his notebook. He had been seeing Alice three times a week when she dropped by Pop’s early for her coffee. She sat on the bar and tried to make small talk with him until she was done.

She hadn’t mentioned Hal once. She hadn’t talked about breaking up, divorces, or anything similar. She had sat there and made jokes and laughed and maybe even flirted a little bit.

 

_“Do you love her?”_

_Younger Alice was back haunting him, whispering behind him as he walked through the tracks. The fact that she was wearing his jacket was bothering him so much he could barely pay attention to what was coming out of her mouth._

_“I thought you would never settle down, maybe I wouldn’t have left you if I knew you would be such a whipped husband”_

_She laughed while she talked, and he noticed she was almost skipping. She was happy, possibly the happiest he had ever seen her._

_But he never knew what she wanted. He kept walking and there was no point in her following him. He was definitely going nowhere, the tracks were infinite and he followed the path without thinking about it. She was right next to him, still with him._

_“Well, Hal is definitely easier to manipulate. You always gave me a tough time with that. I know you like to be your own person and all, but that wouldn’t have worked for me, not what I needed”_

_He stopped suddenly and so did she. The tracks that he thought were infinite were going down into Sweetwater River. And he was upset, but not enough to try to drown himself._

_“Did you bring me here to make out? Oh come on, you know we can’t now. We’re both married. I have a kid, you have one on the way, don’t you remember that?”_

_Alice spoke and there was a smile on her face. He felt like smiling too, as the image of Gladys’ belly when Jughead started to grow filled his brain._

_And suddenly he was pushing Alice against a tree. No rhyme or reason for it. She was trapped between his chest and the wood, breathing heavily._

_“Careful! I’m pregnant!” She complained, but didn’t try to get away._

_Instead she bit at FP’s lips, so hard he thought he would scream. But she was kissing him and everything was better. And there were no broken hearts, no broken promises, and no broken families._

_There was nothing but Alice pressed against his chest and scratching his back. And that was all he could feel._

At least until he woke up and had to bring out his notebook again. He had to sit down and write word for word every shameful feeling and action, relive it all, and leave a reminder of it forever inside of those pages.

He hated that notebook more than he had ever hated anything in his entire life.

 

“I’m picking up Betty later today”, she let him know.

She had to speak first as he refused to even acknowledge her presence when she sat down to have her coffee very close to where he was standing, like she did every morning.

FP was not in the mood, not particularly that day, or any day. He wasn’t gonna play a part in the Cooper family drama. Not again, anyway.

He hummed quietly hoping she would listen and accept it as a response. He had too many dishes to clean and no time to waste with pointless small talk and meaningless jokes. It wasn’t worth it.

“So, see you tonight then”, she told him before leaving.

Alice’s eye rolls were not rare, she seemed to be giving those around for free to anyone who dared speak a work to her. Still, FP felt like he probably was the person who got at least eighty percent of them. She would do it if she was annoyed, surprised, amused, bored, almost anything. But the one he got before she left Pop’s had to be a new one, he couldn’t quite figure out what it meant, and it would bother him for the rest of the day.

Luckily for him, another blonde would walk into the door just as the busiest time of the day was over, and after giving Pop a big smile that would win the man over, she started following FP around.

Or maybe he wasn’t so lucky.

“Why didn’t you do anything?” she asked out of nowhere.

There was the tone. She had gotten that from her mother, no doubt. The high pitched but at the same time serious and demanding tone was something Alice used very often on him, but her daughter seemed to have mastered at a younger age.

“No idea what you’re talking about”, he mumbled amused.

Betty looked angry. It was a little bit funny at first, because he had no idea what he had done. Seeing her furious like that for the first time was cute, but it quickly got intense as he noticed her stare wasn’t going away.

“Jughead told you about it! He told you about the divorce, they signed it today!” she was almost yelling at him.

There weren’t many times in his life where FP had felt so confused.

“My mom just called me and told me she isn’t picking me up tonight, what did you say to her?”

So, it was Alice. It was always Alice. That was something he should’ve expected by that point.

“Nothing”, he replied but only got a glare “She came in this morning, sat here, we didn’t really talk and she said she would see me tonight before she left”.

“You didn’t say anything?”

“No”

He tried so hard to get back to his job. He had so little stuff left to do and he would be able to leave. But at that point he was so distracted.

The girl had gone from fury to worry in just a couple seconds, and when he turned around and saw her he almost wanted to help her. Help her. She had been yelling at him just a couple seconds before.

“You can go, FP”, Pop said as he walked by them, a mischievous smile on his face “Go spend some family time together”

And with that, he was forced to leave with Betty, who seemed to have used all of her words as she moved in silence.

“You going to the Wyrm?” he asked and the girl just nodded.

It took him a couple seconds to get ready and to think. He took off his ridiculous hat and put on his leather jacket while he contemplated the consequences of driving Betty there. He got his own helmet, and handed an extra one to Betty, as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on inside her head.

She got on the bike behind him and held on. Thankfully it wasn’t a long way.

“I feel like you might want to talk to me about something”, he suggested, almost mocking her at that point, as they both walked into the bar.

But she still looked worried and angry and annoyed and so many mixed emotions he couldn’t even figure it out. So they walked into the office and he begged to whoever was listening for the girl to finally speak.

“Maybe I was wrong. I didn’t think I was wrong”, Betty started ranting in her usual fashion as soon as the silence of the room surrounded them “I’m usually not wrong about this stuff and I thought I had figured it all out but maybe I hadn’t. I mean my mom is being pretty obvious and not to offend you Mr. Jones but you haven’t been exactly subtle about it so-”

“What is it, Betty?” he interrupted, when the anxiety started to get control.

“I thought you two were going to finally go for it, now that she’s single, and it doesn’t have to be an affair anymore-”

“Okay, stop”, he quickly followed his impulse to clarify the situation “Did you think…? No, we were not having an affair. Your mom and I weren’t, god no, we weren’t doing that”.

He tried his best to stay calm, seem collected and put together. Instead he needed ten glasses of whiskey, twenty cigarettes, and to never have to tell a teenager again that he wasn’t fucking their mother.

“But you’ve been nice to each other. She’s been saying nice things about you and about Jug, and you’ve been having coffee together”, she tried to make sense of it.

As she explained, he could see her entire theory falling apart right in front of her eyes, and how she was desperately trying to find something else in it, something that would save her.

“So, not now. Okay”, she started speaking again after he poured himself his first glass of whiskey of many more to come “How about before? You’ve known each other for a while”.

The problem was, Betty wasn’t going to give up. She wasn’t going to stop questioning and interrogating until she found the truth, not when she was that close.

“I don’t think Alice would be okay if I just-”

“Oh my god, don’t tell me it was in high school”, she suddenly let out.

Her voice had changed completely. It was filled with surprise, but also confidence, and somewhat amused at the information she was discovering.

So maybe it would be better to let it all out. Maybe it would be better for her to know, for anyone else to know.

And maybe then he would finally be able to let go.


	5. Chapter 5

_There was a wave of pain coming from his wrists when he tried to move, and as he struggled to make sense of what was going on, he figured out they must’ve been tied, because his hands were stuck behind his back. Right in front of him, on his desk, Alice was sitting casually, wearing only his favorite black lingerie, smiling at him._

_“You’re dying to touch me”, she let out with a giggle as he tried to free himself._

_She always looked so perfect. All FP could think about was burying his face in her chest, holding onto her thighs so harshly that it would make her skin bruise, bending her over that same desk and making her beg for more. And all of those were impossible if he was tied sitting on the chair._

_“I have one condition, and I will let you do whatever you want”, she proposed._

_At that point, FP would’ve accepted whatever it was, there was no need to keep encouraging him. But there was never a dull moment with Alice._

_After standing up she settled on his lap, straddling him had always been her thing, and putting their chests so close together that he could feel her heartbeat. She was always filled with confidence, but he knew her better and she was nervous._

_“You know I’ve been bad”, she started and took a second to collect herself, but she couldn’t help putting a small kiss on his lips, before whispering “and I think there’s only one way for me to learn my lesson. You should spank me”._

_Time froze for a second as every nerve in his body jumped out of it. She knew how to push his buttons and break him._

_So it wasn’t long until his hands were untied and he was able to put them all over her, while his mouth worked on her neck until she was panting and screaming his name along with every curse word she had ever learned._

_But suddenly she got up and away from him, and he didn’t even have to do anything for her to bend over the desk._

_“I wasn’t kidding”, she insisted, still agitated._

_His hand almost flew over. After he was standing right behind her, it struck on her butt cheek so abruptly that it alarmed her, and the loud cry coming out of her mouth made his heart burst. Her skin was so soft that it seemed like a crime to do that, to not caress it softly and enjoy every second._

_“Please, more”_

_She was begging in between whimpers and although it wasn’t what he originally hadn’t in mind, he couldn’t complain. He smacked her cheek again, trying to his the exact same spot, and her weeping seemed full of joy, making him shiver._

_It was so easy, but so rewarding, to lose control with Alice._

_Before he realized, he was pressed up against her and she kept moaning, her torso lying flat against the wooden furniture and her hands desperately trying to hold on to anywhere she could. He run her hands through her back, from her neck down, before stepping away only for a second to hit the skin where her butt met her thigh, and going back to his spot immediately, only causing more whimpers._

_She was crying while she asked for more, the words barely making it out of her._

_He couldn’t help the need to have her closer. One of his hands made its way up again, and after getting a hold of her hair, pulled back, until her back arched and he could reach her neck. After placing a couple kisses and some bites over it, his hand took over the space, wrapping around it._

_Alice was groaning with pleasure as she tried with every muscle to thrust into FP’s hips. But she was trapped between him and the desk, and she was breathless and powerless._

_“Tighter”, she whispered, or tried to._

_He put more strength on his grip, and she only seemed to smile wider._

_His free hand placed a final slap on the same spot, and he felt the air going out of her lungs through her neck. Then it was placed on her stomach as it slowly began to make its way down and into her panties._

_It wasn’t long before she was a frantic mess, trying to ride his fingers as he did his best to keep her still with his own body. He spotted a couple tears going down her cheeks as she kept asking for more. He definitely thought she deserved more._

Opening his eyes to find himself alone in his bedroom wasn’t ideal.

He looked at the notebook, resting on his night table and groaned, another one for the collection.

But there was a more pressing matter, as his cock was the hardest it had been in months. There wasn’t anything else he could do. He reached down and lowered his underwear enough, placing his hand around his erection. Every stroke felt like torture as he tried to remember every sight from the dream he had just woke up from.

He held on to the sheets and his back arched as he came. His toes curled and he could feel it in every inch of his body. It was only Alice that could make him feel like that, and she didn’t even have to be with him.

FP hadn’t been able to sleep at all for a while, he wasn’t able to think straight during the day, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t forget her either.

 

Jughead stormed into the Wyrm and made a bee line for FP, who saw him immediately. Betty must’ve told him already, that girl was great at finding secrets, but no good at keeping them. Clearly he was terrified but it was coming sooner or later and there was no way to get ready for it.

“You are a fucking hypocrite!” he started with an accusing finger pointing right at him “You’ve been talking shit about how I can trust you, and you want me to be able to count on you. You got mad at me for not telling you about the divorce! And you didn’t think _this_ was important?”

The boy was shaking with anger. Worst part was FP couldn’t even blame him.

“I’m sorry”, he said and it seemed like a good start “I didn’t think you would understand, and I didn’t want you to worry about things that shouldn’t be a problem”.

“Are you kidding me? You think my dad dating my girlfriend’s mom is not a problem?”

“We’re not-”

“Well, you were”, Jughead interrupted.

Finally he had lowered his voice, and took a seat next to his father. FP knew that wasn’t it, it wouldn’t be over that quick, but there was something big bothering the boy, something other than the secrecy.

“I’m furious right now, I don’t think I’ve ever been more angry at you”, his son explained, more calm “but I have questions about what you told Betty”.

FP took in a deep breath. There were things about parenting nobody had prepared him for. He didn’t have a father after the day he had turned 16, so he didn’t know it would happen, that his son would grow up and he would have to take on adult conversations, and he would be defied, questioned and judged for it. There was nowhere to run, anyway.

“I’ve felt that way about her too. I know she deserves better and I don’t want to be the one-”

“Jug, don’t do that”, FP interrupted desperately “You’re not holding her back and it’s not your choice to make”.

“But I am! She shouldn’t be here, she’s doing it for me and I can’t ask that from her”, he complained, the frustration showing in his voice “You know what I mean, if she can live a better life, she should”.

“You are not me, Jug!” he raised his tone maybe a little too much “You are not me, and Betty is not Alice. It’s not the same thing, and it doesn’t have to end the same way. You can’t decide what she wants, you have no idea what she wants”.

His son took a second in silence. He seemed to be thinking, it was definitely too much information to take in, he could understand.

“But now there’s this entire new layer of weird, because not only Mrs. Cooper hates me, but she also loves my dad so”, he let out as if it was a fact, making his heart jump.

“That’s what I was trying to avoid”

They both were trying to process everything, and it wasn’t easy. It meant a lot of different things, and it complicated everything. FP wanted to explain to him, that was the one thing he knew, the one thing that was the same. Secrecy, lies, hiding, it was a package deal with them, he was living proof.

“So, what now?” Jughead asked but was met with confusion “I mean, she’s divorced”, he added hesitant.

“Oh, no, I’m not doing that. You should never go backwards, you know, always go forward, that kind of inspirational bullshit”, FP brushed off as the conversation got more relaxed.

It might have been another lie and he hated himself for it. It wasn’t that he didn’t have feelings, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to. But he had an addictive personality and after 25 years of being sober from Alice, he was sure that if he just tried it once again, he would be lost forever, for good or for bad. And maybe it was a risk he shouldn’t take.

 

Betty came into his office after knocking once, apparently thinking she owned the place just because of one sincere conversation. She took a seat on the chair opposite to him, and looked impatiently as he went through piles of pages.

“Didn’t think being a gang leader involver paperwork”, she joked and made him chuckle.

“But being a Cooper does involve being judgy”, he snapped back.

She stayed there, and he recognized the move. The attention had to be all for her if she was going to talk, and of course, she believed whatever was going to be said was very worth it.

So he slowly put aside his things, but kept a pen in his hand, just in case he had to create a diversion. Better to be safe than sorry.

“Mom’s coming to pick me up in a bit”, she mentioned, a smirk on her face “I don’t want to leave yet, so could you distract her or something? If you need a suggestion, you could offer to take her out for dinner”.

“Sorry, not doing that, kid”, he quickly replied with a subtle eye roll “And frankly, it’s a bit weird that you’re trying to get me to ask your mom out. Not to mention it hasn’t even been a week from her divorce”.

“Well, she needs to have fun. Sounds like you two had fun together, you still do during your coffee dates”, she said and it was obvious where Jughead had gotten that idea.

“Yes, and your mom had a blast being married for 25 years so why don’t we just stop this dumb thing you’re doing”, he got it out of his chest, and maybe it was a little bit too aggressive, but not enough to discourage Betty Cooper herself.

“I think it’s even more dumb that you’re here pining after her, like you have been all this time, I can tell, I’m not stupid, when she’s been waiting for you to do something”, she accused him.

“Believe me, I’ve done enough for your mother already. Things haven’t changed at all, and all she does is wait for me to make the hard choices. Not gonna happen”

And that finally quieted the teenager down, at least momentarily.

“So, it’s gonna be like that again. I know she makes bad decisions but you could try and help, you know”, she said before leaving.

Betty looked disappointed in him. It did make him feel bad, even if he tried to avoid it, but it wasn’t his place. He wasn’t going to run in and save Alice, when there was nothing to save her from. She had to take responsibility for her actions, back then and in the present.

 

_Alice loved lazy Sundays. Staying in bed and having sex seemed to be her favorite activities._

_And there she was, lying almost at the foot of the bed, as far away from him as she could. It was the part of the day when she turned cold, after getting too close, sharing too much. It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t easy, but with practice FP had learned how to bring her back._

_The sun was coming through the window in a way that made him think it was probably the afternoon. It hit every inch of Alice’s naked skin, as she lied completely uncovered over the sheets._

_“Come on, you never play anything for me anymore”, she complained as she stretched, but was careful enough not to touch him._

_Her eyes seemed closed, and even if they weren’t she wasn’t looking at him. There was a smile on her face. Not the biggest one ever, but she seemed happy, content._

_Finally she turned to him, lying on her side. She shot him a look, one of those she knew he wasn’t able to resist._

_The curves of her body always made him go crazy. He followed the line, from her neck, her dainty shoulders, it went in at the waist and came back out at her hips, and her legs, god, her legs where something else. She giggled, his gaze was too obvious, and covered up her chest with one of her arms._

_“Stop it, you fucking pervert!” she said playfully._

_She was blushing and it made him feel warmth again, maybe even happiness._

_The guitar was already in his arms so he started playing for her, but it felt like he had never heard that song before, even though he knew how to play it somehow._

_Alice turned, looking at the ceiling again, but she kept humming along to every note, lazily moving her legs as if dancing._

The dreams that felt like memories were the toughest ones.

They messed with his head, making him mix up the stuff that had really happen, and the parts he had imagined. It was all slowly becoming a blur. He was slowly losing some of his happier memories, on top of losing his sanity.

He didn’t even reach for the notebook.

 

FP saw her out of the corner of his eye and thought it surely must’ve been a dream.

Alice, (Cooper or Smith, he wondered if she had kept the last name or had gotten rid of it), walked into the Whyte Wyrm. Looked like she was dressed in black from head to toes and as she was closer, he noticed a leather jacket.

He stopped a second to thank god Jughead and Betty were having a date night at Pop’s. But then again, that was probably the reason she was there.

And suddenly the situation was awkward. Every serpent their age knew about them, their history. They knew Alice, who she was, what she had done, and that something must’ve been going on if she was there. So all eyes were on FP, waiting to see what he would do.

Nothing. He would do nothing.

He would sit at his usual spot, sip on his whiskeys and watch whatever was going to happen unfold.

So he watched as Alice walked up to the bar and had three tequila shots too many. It almost made him nostalgic for the days when she would force him to follow her pace, and laugh when he couldn’t keep up. Those days were apparently gone, because it wasn’t long until she looked like she could barely walk as she made her way to an empty space and started dancing with whoever was there.

There was no way for him to take his eyes off her. He tried to convince himself it was to make sure she was okay, keep her safe. Truth was her skirt was just short enough to keep him interested, and her top was small enough for him to actually curse out loud.

It was throwing him back to old days and long nights. To playing pool, winning bets and getting his rewards, to Alice wearing the tiniest little outfits and putting on a show for him, to pushing her into the corner under the stairs and making her blush.

And then she spotted him.

She locked eyes with him and immediately froze. He was completely thrown right out from his happy memories and it felt disappointing. Things had taken a turn.

But still, even with the nostalgia, the sad turns, the broken hearts, she smiled at him from where she was standing.

He brought the glass to his mouth for a sip, taking his time to smell the alcohol.

“Not a dream”, he muttered under his breath and hoped no one heard him talking to himself.

It wasn’t a simple look and it wasn’t an easy situation.

Time had put them in the same place, in the same situation, they had been so long ago. When Alice Smith first laid eyes on FP Jones, he was just a boy who had no idea the kind of trouble he was getting into. So when he saw her from that same table and decided that was the girl for him, there was no way for him to know he was setting himself up for failure.

He wouldn’t say that was the moment he ruined his life. Other people would, but not him.

Because after all, there he was again, looking at the same girl from the same table. She would get mad and say she wasn’t that girl anymore, but she was right there smiling at him as if he was that young boy.

But Alice wasn’t talking to him, and she wasn’t walking over. She stayed there for a moment, just like she had done that first day, and like she had always done, waiting for him to act.

It made his blood boil. Suddenly he was filled with rage.

She ran over and caught his arm when he was almost out of the bar, out of the situation he knew would only turn out badly for him.

That’s what they did. Alice tortured him, and he ran.

“You were the one who told Betty, so I don’t know what you’re mad at me for”, she let out as soon as they stepped out of the Wyrm.

The silence of the night filled the space between them, which was large considering FP wanted to stay as far away as possible.

He didn’t really want to, but he did not trust himself.

“You know what? I’m done with whatever you’re doing. I had to tell Betty, because you couldn’t keep up your act”, he tried not to yell, but failed.

And just like that he was one step away from her. That really awful habit he had, pointing at people when he was mad, had come out, so he knew things were out of control.

He was one step away from Alice, his finger almost touching her shoulder. He could smell her perfume, mixed up with the alcohol.

“Your daughter thought we were having an affair, she thought you were fucking me, while you were with Hal!”

And yes, it was completely out of control. He shouldn’t be saying anything to her. He was supposed to get on his bike, go home, and probably have some strange dream that would calm him down.

“But Elizabeth didn’t know anything! She couldn’t have figured out-”

“Well, she knew, and that’s on you”

It was throwing him back again, but that time it was to fights after long nights of drinking too much, to yelling at each other while standing on the tracks, to Alice crying right outside of his trailer.

“I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but we didn’t have an affair and I didn’t divorce Hal to be with you”, she was still keeping her classic Alice high and mighty tone.

“You don’t have to say that to me, you should explain that to your daughter and maybe to my son too”, he tried calm himself down and failed, quickly going into yelling again “and you might as well tell the whole town, who have been seeing you follow me around like a damn teenager!”

He knew he was taking it too far, but so was she. He thought maybe he would be better after all that time, but it was becoming obvious he had miscalculated everything.

“What the hell are you doing Alice?”

FP saw her snap out of it as soon as he lowered his tone. Her shoulders went down, and she took in a deep breath. Sure, it didn’t last long, but at least he could enjoy it for a couple seconds.

“I’m not here to be judged by you, of all people”, she complained as she stepped closer “And If you think that I’m here for you, you are out of your mind. I couldn’t care-”

And he decided he didn’t want to hear anything else come out of her mouth. That was the only reason he kissed her.

At least at first, that was his train of thought. If he did it, she wouldn’t be able to talk anymore, at least for the tiniest fraction of time. But also she wouldn’t be able to keep denying the shit she was doing.

He forgot he didn’t want to fall in her trap again, be the one to make the hard choice, the first move. He forgot he didn’t wanna relapse and fall back into his oldest and most painful habit.

Alice’s hands were suddenly on the back of his neck, he could feel them pulling him closer to her. Her fingers were moving up and holding on to his hair, when she closed the space between their bodies.

FP knew exactly what would happen. His arms would wrap around her waist, trying to keep her from ever getting away, not again. He would kiss every inch of her neck and her shoulders right there, on the street, where anyone could see them. He wouldn’t stop until she was gasping for air and trying to climb him, and only then he would put her on his bike and take her home, where he wouldn’t rest until everyone within a 5 miles radius had heard her scream his name.

So he didn’t let that happen.

After she had messed up his hair and tangled their bodies, before it went further, he pulled away. She looked dazed and was breathless already.

He thought a quick kiss on her forehead would do, his hands cupping her cheeks didn’t wanna let go, but he had to.

And he felt like shit as he walked away and got on his bike alone. Every muscle on his body aching to go back, to finish what they had started. Instead he drove home.

FP had been waiting years to finish what they had started.

But it wasn’t the right moment. And maybe after all it wasn’t the right night, the right life anymore, and she wasn’t the right girl anymore.

Maybe he’d see her again in a dream again where nothing would matter and they could be right for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy my very talented friend drew the infamous daddy scene from part 3 and i thought I could share it here for all of you to see. If you like what you're reading, check it out because she got it just right and it's beautiful ♥  
> https://moodysnakes.tumblr.com/post/172771413823/scene-sketch-from-noelias-fic-this-dream


	6. Chapter 6

FP had an addictive personality.

When Jughead was 7 and he wouldn’t eat his vegetables, a war started on the Jones household. His son had always been a smart boy, there was never a doubt in his mind about it, but he didn’t expect a kid to call him out on every unhealthy habit.

So after the kid handed him a list, he had to quit smoking, stop drinking alcohol or any kind of soda and eat more salad. They also had to go for a run every morning before work and school.

It lasted for about a week and a half before Jughead realized it was easier to just eat the vegetables. And thank god the kid didn’t find the corner of the room where FP was hiding beer and the ashtray under his bed.

That’s what it felt like, a dirty secret. The guilt was making it all the way into his bones and torturing every second.

Because even though he headed home as soon as he could, the mistake had been made.

It felt so good. Her lips were so soft and her hair tickling his face, god he missed that. Her fingertips making contact with the skin on the back of her neck was something he had never forgotten, and feeling it again was almost like magic. He knew he was a junkie, he knew this was just another bad habit.

But he tried. He tried locking himself in his room, taking his clothes off and getting into bed. There was no way he was going to sleep. There wasn’t even a chance he would close his eyes, too scared the image would pop up and then be lost forever. The image of Alice staring right at him wide eyed, so close.

So he looked at ceiling and counted. Counted until the eyelids were too heavy, his chest felt empty and his life meaningless. Until the need for more Alice was so strong that his body would just give up.

 

_And her dress was stained again. The black patches covering as much white as they were able too. Even spreading over her skin, up her neck, and messing up her makeup._

_Alice looked beautiful and happy._

_The realization that it wasn’t for him was painful, but truly he had never been able to do that. He could never make her happy, let alone make her get married. Not that he wanted to, not that it was ever in his plans._

_But Alice looked so beautiful in a wedding dress. Maybe that alone would’ve made it worth it._

_Her hand was all covered in black as she extended it towards FP. She was smiling, she never stopped. She probably was not noticing the stains, because her white wedding dress was ruined._

_“I’m glad you could make it”, she offered gently, almost too kind “I know you don’t love me anymore. Hell, I know you don’t give a fuck about what happens to me, but I guess you’ll go anywhere you can get free alcohol, huh?”_

_He didn’t even feel like drinking. He didn’t feel like talking to her. He also didn’t feel like being at a wedding truthfully._

_“I never want to see you again”, she let out but she was standing right outside his trailer, before running away._

“You didn’t…?” he quickly reacted as soon as he walked out of his room and found Betty on the kitchen.

“No, I just got here”

That was a relief. He didn’t want a preoccupied mother running into his trailer that early in the morning. Not with the hangover he was experiencing. Not after he remembered what he had done the night before.

“Do you need an aspirin Mr. Jones? FP”, she corrected herself before he could.

“I do”, he didn’t even try to hide it, making his son laugh “Yes, you can tell I don’t feel great, but guess what? You also suck at hiding it” he shot back.

“I guess it’s in the genes”, Jughead joked as they all sat down on the table “Thank god Betty’s better at it than I am, or we’d be in trouble”.

“Oh, it was easy today. My mom got home later than I did, she was still sleeping”, the girl explained with a giggle.

The coffee was warm, that was something good to focus on. The aspirin should work soon enough and he should be able to function. It was his free day anyway. A shame he didn’t have plans.

After he picked up an apple he noticed the two kids staring at him. All eyes on him.

“Well, she wasn’t with me!” FP defended himself, a little annoyed that he had to.

“But you did see her last night, she was at the Wyrm”, Betty let out, as a fact, not a question.

“Was she?” he said, almost as a reflex, and immediately realized his mistake.

He was talking to the two kids who ran the Blue and Gold, who had exposed two murderers and proved his own innocence. They knew he was lying.

“This is super inappropriate. You two need to leave. Go do something fun, go enjoy your youth”, he ordered flustered, but serious enough that they would obey.

“Okay, sure”, Jughead laughed, a little bit embarrassed too “We’re gonna go hang out with Veronica”.

“Good”

He tried to sound like he had some authority. Wasn’t sure why, he didn’t want it and he didn’t need it. So he messed up Jug’s hair and gave Betty a little hug before closing the door behind them. He couldn’t stop to think back on his own happy youthful days, because then he would be risking everything, he would be throwing it all away again.

 

“Hard day at work?” Jughead asked as they walked in.

It was probably easy to judge, when he saw the empty bottles and dirty plates that FP hadn’t had the heart to pick up and clean. Sure, the sun had gone down and he was still sitting on the couch, trying to pick up the pieces. Going to the Wyrm and dealing with people seemed too much like an effort, so he had been drinking alone all week. Maybe it was at bad as it looked.

But Alice had been there today.

She had walked into Pop’s, with her usual pink sweater and those cute glasses that warmed up his heart. He loved it when, after too much teasing and laughing, she looked over her glasses to make sure he was still amused. And there. She probably had to check he was still there.

Instead of walking to the bar and sitting down, to drink her coffee and chat with him which he was looking forward to, she had found herself a table. And instead of clearing up her throat so FP would notice her, because he was always supposed to notice her, she had called Pop’s to ask for her order.

So he remembered his mistake and realized what it would cost him.

And he drank, to forget. Because that wasn’t the first mistake he had made with Alice, and that was the only way he could deal with it, drinking.

“You could say so”, he replied.

Short and sweet because his son shouldn’t have to deal with his mistakes.

Because that’s what he had realized during that incredibly long day, leaving after kissing her was a mistake. Anything that would keep Alice away from him, was a mistake, and he had already made a big one all those years ago.

“You never finished the story”, Betty told him later while they were having dinner.

Jughead was out with some serpents and he had asked Betty to stay. He had urged Betty to stay. She agreed too easily and he knew she had some ulterior motive.

He would’ve tried to look confused, but he was genuinely confused.

“How my mom and you broke up, how it ended”, she explained, without hesitation.

“What do you mean? I told you everything. We never spoke again after that fight. She got married a couple months after”

“No, come on. That wasn’t even a fight, you can’t tell me that was it”, she seemed disappointed and it was bothering him for some reason “So, you told her to leave and she just left?”

“Yes. That’s what I told her, I didn’t want to talk to her ever again. So, we never did”, he finished, and maybe Betty was right, it felt disappointing.

They went back to eating in silence, as if they weren’t discussing something that made FP’s heart race, made him lose sleep and forget everything he was supposed to remember.

“I did love her”, he clarified.

Maybe it was Betty’s sigh that made him say it. Maybe it was her expression, as if not a word that came out from his mouth was real, as if his story wasn’t good enough.

“I don’t know about that”, Betty replied defiant, confirming what he had seen in her face “You just decided out of nowhere that you weren’t gonna make her happy, so you chose to not even try”.

“Hey, that isn’t fair. She was with your father already”

“So you thought you could make that choice for her and you did it. Never mind that when you kicked her out of the trailer she cried and asked you to take her back”

“Why wasn’t I allowed to decide what I wanted for myself?”

“Because you weren’t deciding for yourself! You loved her and you were being a coward”, the blonde yelled at him, hitting the table when she was done.

Maybe he shouldn’t have started that.

“I didn’t want to be the one holding her back, she would’ve hated me”, he said softly, trying to let the girl know she shouldn’t push it.

“So, she doesn’t hate you now”, Betty added ironically and it felt like a stab.

It was something he probably always knew, somewhere in the back of his mind. They weren’t meant to be back then.

And yes, the girl was right, he had taken the coward’s way out, the one that made him look like the bigger person. Truth was he didn’t want to wake up one day and find out Alice hadn’t chose him, find out he wasn’t the one she wanted to spend her time with. Only the thought of that made him nauseous, he couldn’t let it happen.

But still, he knew there was no possible good outcome, it would’ve ended badly no matter how much he tried. No matter what she chose or what she felt, FP couldn’t make her happy. He couldn’t make her happy being with her, or away from her.

So he spared her the stress of making the decision.

He had decided before, no matter how much she cried, no matter how many times she said she loved him, no matter how much she talked about their future together, he couldn’t take it back. It was the best thing for her.

But that was the thing; it was never the best thing for him. And maybe he could’ve never made her happy, but she hadn’t been happy with Hal either. Maybe he could’ve been happy at least.

“What do you want me to say? Yeah, I might’ve made a mistake. I can’t go back and fix it, do you want me to just suffer for the rest of my life?” He said and he knew immediately it was a mistake. He was getting to defensive and that was the first indicator that he was wrong.

“No, but humans are supposed to learn from their mistakes, that’s kinda what we do”, she was still being rude and he did not appreciate it, but still tried to listen “I think you’ve both been miserable long enough”.

 

_Alice was crying again as she sat right outside the trailer._

_She was shaking, even though he didn’t feel particularly cold, but he immediately offered his jacket to her and although she didn’t seem happy, she accepted it. The leather always looked good on her and it made him want to invite her inside, but something was holding him back._

_She was wailing._

_“I can’t accept that you don’t love me anymore, I can’t see you with someone else”, she told him after calming down a little._

_But he did love her. Maybe he had lied. He definitely had lied._

_He couldn’t imagine a world, a time in his life, where he wouldn’t love her. He couldn’t imagine loving anyone else as much as he loved her._

_“Please, I beg you, don’t do this”, she pleaded while getting up._

_It felt familiar, but terrifying. She had pushed him into the side of the trailer, and placed all of her strength on his chest, trying to keep him in place. He wasn’t fighting back._

_“I’ll do whatever you want”, she whispered._

_But when she started palming his dick through his jeans he realized the direction it was all taking._

_He didn’t want her, not like that._

But did he want her at all? It was something worth questioning. He had to know what it was.

It could’ve been just him longing to be younger again, missing the times where he had no responsibilities and could daydream about his favorite girl all day, and he knew that no matter how shitty life got, and it got really bad, he had her.

On the other hand, to accept he had feelings for Alice as an adult man was an entire different thing. As a grown person, if he accepted it, he was supposed to act on it, he was supposed to try and be happy. But to not act on it meant he had to cut all contact with her, or suffer from those dreams for the rest of his days.

So he planned to invite Betty over for dinner and ask her if she wanted to stay the night. The girl wouldn’t ask any questions and he knew the kids wouldn’t complain, so it seemed like everybody would get what they wanted.

 

Maybe he would get what he wanted, even if he wasn’t even sure what that was.

He stood in front of the door for a while, possibly too long. She would be mad if people saw him there, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock. It felt like his hand weighted a thousand pounds when he tried to lift it, and there was just no way.

It was getting cold outside, and it was already completely dark. There were a so many ideas and questions running through his head that he should’ve thought of before.

He had no idea what he was gonna say, even if he got to that point, he couldn’t just bring up his dreams. It was terrifying to think of all the things that could happen before that, she could be with someone else, or she could just not want to talk to him. He definitely would deserve that.

So he decided to go for a walk around the block. Maybe he would run into someone who would stop him, maybe he would get run over by a car. Instead he stood there in the corner smoking a cigarette and waiting, as if the universe wanted to stop him, and it was going to find a way, he just needed time.

“FP?” the high pitched voice made him jump out of his skin.

“Oh, hey Alice”, he tried his best to sound relaxed, which he was not.

She was smiling. It wasn’t genuine. It was one of those awkward smiles when everything is going wrong and there’s nothing else to do, there’s no way out of it, when everything is out of control and the only thing left is to let it unfold.

FP was smiling too.

“I was heading to your place”, she told him slowly, it seemed like she wasn’t sure if she should say it at all.

“Oh, the kids are not there yet. They’re having dinner at Pop’s, I just walked them there”, he explained.

He wondered for how long he could play dumb as he took another drag on his cigarette. At least Alice was there smiling at him and maybe if that awkward situation lasted forever, he wouldn’t mind.

“I wasn’t going there for Betty”

It was a simple statement but it did change everything somehow.

Then he finally looked at her, hadn’t even noticed he had been looking at anything else the entire time. Her hair in a ponytail was the first thing that surprised him, she used to wear it like that when they were younger but she hadn’t done it in so long that he had almost forgotten about it.

She almost looked like an entire different person, blue jeans and a pink sweater, face completely clean, just a couple strands of her bangs falling on her forehead. Not the Alice he had met in his youth, not the one in his dreams, not the one he had been getting to know again.

“Let’s go”, she offered before rolling her eyes and getting a hold of his wrist.

Her fingers had gotten to him just under the sleeve of his jacket, where his skin was cold from the contact with the air. She wasn’t being particularly soft, but she was warm and that was good enough for his heart to start racing.

Before he could think of anything to do he was crossing the door, and once he realized it, it had already closed behind him. But Alice was standing in front of him. She seemed nervous as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and fidgeted with her fingers.

“Do you want some coffee?” she asked and put on a smile.

“No, not really”

He didn’t want coffee but he should’ve said yes just to be nice. He couldn’t even think straight but his body knew his stomach was burning and the fire was climbing onto his chest.

They were both too serious. The movements were slow and calculated and their voices low as the situation seemed to dawn on them.

“You were going to the trailer”, he tried to get her story.

“I was trying to, but I don’t know if I was going to actually get there. I just thought- Do you maybe wanna sit down?” she interrupted herself, looking more on edge every second.

“No”

She was already turning her back to him and he had to grab her arm, keep her in place.

It was a rare moment for FP. He wasn’t particularly brave or courageous. He wasn’t good at planning or making decisions. He wasn’t a man who took many risks. But that felt like a life or death situation.

He had kissed her, but kissing Alice was easy. He always wanted to kiss Alice.

He had gotten used to it at one point in his life. His girlfriend Allie was a storm of public affection. She would give away her kisses for free to anyone who wanted them, because she knew the effect they had on people. But Allie saved the best ones for FP. She saved the kisses under the rain, the ones that happened after a fight and the ones that meant the morning had come and she had to leave.

That moment wasn’t about the kiss they had.

It was about the knot in FP’s stomach and the dizziness in his head every time he looked at her smile. It was about the way Alice’s fingers were shaking and she couldn’t keep her legs still when he was touching her.

It was about something that went deeper than a kiss between two people who had dated once in high school and were nostalgic for old times.

It was about FP and Alice, who had fallen in love when they were kids and had thrown it all away for things that didn’t seem important anymore. About two people that might had wasted their lives being away from each other and were finally realizing they could fix it.

“I don’t know if we should, FP, I don’t know that this is the right thing”, she was the first one to give up and he was surprised.

“Was that what you were going say once you got to the trailer?” his tone made it an accusation and suddenly his fingers were shaking too.

“I would’ve never gotten to the trailer, just like you made it to my house but never came in”, she said but her voice was trembling as she tried to get the words out “I would’ve started thinking about when you left me, when you told me you didn’t care about me and didn’t want to see me again, in that same trailer. I never would’ve made it there”.

Her eyes were tearing up as she spoke and his heart was falling apart little by little. He imagined she felt the same, maybe he hoped she did.

It felt wrong to try to make up excuses. He knew he had shattered her heart at that time, he knew because the same thing had happened to him. It was the hardest choice he had made in his entire life, and as bad as it was, he stood by it. So it felt terrible to try to explain it to her, to try to justify why he decided it was okay to destroy her life.

“Then why were you going there?”

The question was met with silence as some tears fell down her face.

Suddenly it all felt surreal. Alice started quietly sobbing in front of him, but didn’t move one muscle to try and hide it. She was standing there, head down, as he heard her struggle to breathe.

It felt like one of his dreams.

Except, he could touch her. He could reach and hold her by the shoulders first, just to make sure she was there. He could slowly move his hands, wrapping her with his arms and pushing her against his chest. He could stroke her back as she got it all out, crying into him with her hands holding onto his jacket.

“It’s okay Allie, I’m here”, he whispered.

And a couple tears of his own streamed down his face.

“It’s not okay”, she replied, the sound muffled by the fabric since she didn’t even bother to look up “It’s stupid. Twenty years ago you said you hated me, and one day you decide to invite me over for dinner and everything has to be forgiven. Well, it’s not”.

“It doesn’t have to be forgiven, but it’s been a lifetime, we can’t get stuck on that”, he tried to use his softest voice for her.

“Yes! I can get stuck on that!” she got back at him loudly, but did not move from his chest “I’ve hated you back for twenty years and I don’t plan on stopping”.

And maybe it was stupid but in the middle of that intense scene, it warmed his heart and calmed it down. Because the woman in his arms was obviously still the Alice he had always loved.

He didn’t say it though, and maybe that was a mistake, but he wanted to save it for a better moment, one where she wasn’t thinking about teenager FP breaking her heart.

Instead he pushed her away only to be able to put his hands on her cheeks. He got distracted wiping the tears away with his thumbs, it made things look better, it made him feel somehow he was erasing the pain. But her eyes were still sad and they wouldn’t stop.

So he closed his own and he kissed her. And judging by how quickly she held on to his arms and pushed their bodies together, it was helping more.

 

She had been sobbing into his chest but just a minute later she was taking his jacket off and biting into his neck. She was lighting on fire every inch of his skin that she touched and already trying to lift his shirt.

“This is not the bedroom”, he mumbled as she pushed him further into the house.

But by that point it was obvious she had lost control, and he was very familiar with that feeling. Best option was to just go with it.

“Alice, what do you want?” he asked softly as he petted her hair trying to calm her down.

“I missed you, baby”, she whispered back.

It was enough for him to know she was there. It was enough for him to know what she wanted, because it was the same thing he wanted.

“I used to hate it when you called me that”, he confessed, helping her remove his shirt and moving on to her sweater.

“Not anymore?”

Her hair was messy, apparently she had let it down at some point, or maybe he had. She was smiling right in front of him, just a few inches away from his own face. Her black lace bra looked really similar to one he remembered, or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

He stopped for a moment to take it all in. He dragged his fingers from where they were settled, on her waist, tracing a line up her stomach and stopped when he ran into the fabric. He felt the soft surface carefully, and noticed a shiver take over Alice.

She was staring at him hungrily and clearly didn’t have the patience, because while he was distracted she had stepped out of her heels and taken her jeans off, revealing matching panties.

“I’ve missed you too”, he finally reciprocated as they ran into the dining table.

And just so they wouldn’t waste more time on pleasantries, he dropped to his knees. The moment his hands touched his legs he knew he was fucked but when he put his arms under them to keep them open and she giggled, he suddenly went back into rhythm and knew exactly what to do, exactly what she wanted.

He was placing kisses on the insides of her thighs while she trembled and tried to hold on to the table for stability. The problem was when he started teasing her over the panties and she melted, almost falling down.

So the solution was to lift her up and sit her on the table, although as soon as he got back to work she fell back.

And again, it was the kind of shows he used to get. Alice was lying down on the dining table, the wood making a nice contrast with her pale skin and the dark fabric. Her legs were wide open right in front of his face and he could hear her panting.

“How long has it been since you had this much fun?” he teased.

“Shut up and get them off”, she complained.

So he did. With a quick tug he ripped the panties on the side and he could swear he heard her gasp. Didn’t matter because a second later his mouth was over her clit and she was babbling words that didn’t make any sense.

It was a weird mix of sensations, it was one of those nostalgic scenes, and the view of Alice from that point was bringing too many memories. If anything it helped him focus on using his tongue in all the right places, he couldn’t believe he still remembered every step by heart.

Her hands were tangled in his hair as she came, rocking into his face, arching up her back and yelling every curse she had apparently been holding in for twenty years.

She recovered way too quickly and her fingers got busy getting his jeans off. He was thankful for that because, as happy as he was to just spend time getting her off, it was starting to become a really uncomfortable situation. They were pushed down and he kicked them off as quickly as he could, desperate to get some relief.

He should’ve known better.

Suddenly he was the one on the table while Alice crawled on it. She started with a slow lick up the length of his cock and it was torture, but the best kind he could imagine. He tried to sit up straighter to enjoy the show as the blonde strands tickled his hips.

Alice took a second to gather her hair and hold it up, but he used the opportunity to offer help and held it all in his own fist.

Then suddenly she took all of him in her mouth and hollowed her cheeks as she bobbed her head. He tried to only let out the grunts but a whimper or two got out and Alice teasingly dragged her tongue around the head. She took him again, all the way to the base, and stayed there for a couple seconds but when she swallowed around him, he had to pull her off.

“Do you really want this to be over that quickly?” he asked when she laughed knowingly.

She giggled but he was still holding her hair and tugged on it to bring her up. He got into dangerous territory because she moaned at that, and settled on his lap. He pulled her into a kiss that was slow, painful and tortuous.

The only reason he let go of his grip was to undo her bra, because she was on his lap, arms wrapped around him, devouring his mouth, and he didn’t want any kind of barrier in between them.

“I’m sorry”, she suddenly whispered and although she was there, she seemed gone for a moment.

So he stopped. Rather he put it on hold. Placed his hands on her hips and looked at her to figure it out. Her sad eyes were back and she was trying to kiss him instead of looking at him.

“Allie, I love you”, FP told her because it seemed appropriate “There’s nothing to be sorry about”.

And maybe that’s the only reassurance he could give her, because he was still unsure about anything else, but he did love her.

But it might had been enough because, just like that, she was kissing him again.

 

_They were back at the pool in Thornhill, on what seemed to be a sunny afternoon._

_She was floating in the water, sunglasses on, almost showing off that yellow bikini they both loved so much. Sitting on the side, he tried to appreciate the moment, save it in his mind forever._

_“What happens when we get bored?” Alice asked from where she was “What happens when you get bored of me?”_

_It really seemed like an impossible scenario. Looking at her smile while she asked that was a little bizarre. Did she want him to get bored?_

_She suddenly turned around to swim towards him, and placed her arms over the side of the pool right next to him. Alice lifted her glasses over her head to look straight at him, but she had to squint, the sun was too bright._

_“What? Do you think we’ll still be in love in like twenty years?” she questioned as if it was ridiculous to think so._

_A giggle came out of her mouth as she climbed out of the water. After placing a finger right under his chin she leaned in to kiss him, but he felt nothing._

_He always turned to watch her walk away, and she knew it. But just like that she was gone again._

The light coming through the window was too bright and FP had no other choice but to wake up.

He immediately noticed the weight and the blonde hair resting on his chest. Her breathing was slow and steady, the calm after the storm from the night before.

A finger drawing circles on her back was all it took her to wake up, and there was a smile on her face as soon as she looked at him. Alice was lightly scratching the side of his torso with her nails as she scooted closer for a kiss, a lazy kiss.

He could feel everything.

He wanted to ask a thousand questions but instead he stayed silent.

“I don’t think we should talk about anything before last night”, she decided, staring right into his eyes.

“I think we should”

“Agree to disagree”

She completed her challenge by straddling his lap with a swift movement, getting the sheets off her and exposing their bodies.

He hadn’t noticed his erection until then, until she wrapped her hand around it.

And with another careful movement she took him all in. He moaned louder than he would’ve liked, but she was tightly wrapped around his cock and it was an overwhelming feeling. Her hands were putting pressure on his stomach, keeping him from thrusting into her.

“Allie, I’m not gonna stop saying I’m sorry and I love you just because-”, he said but was interrupted by Alice grinding on him “Fuck!”

His hands were holding onto her hips, fingers digging into the skin in a way that would leave bruises. She smiled as she started riding him, her lids becoming too heavy and letting out every moan that wanted to come out of her.

He moved one of her hands and placed it over her stomach, he wouldn’t be able to slow her down anyway. Instead she grabbed it and lifted it up to her face, pulling his middle finger into her mouth, sucking at it and curling her tongue around it.

“Please, fuck me, please”, she begged when her legs were giving up.

As soon as he started rocking into her she fell on his chest. He held her as close as he could and she was moaning right into his ear. He stroked her back, kissed her neck and whispered all kinds of sweet words to her as she came. And he did too, right after her, holding on to her hair and biting into her neck.

“Jesus Christ, Allie”, he let out after a couple minutes of heavy breathing, their limbs still tangled.

She just giggled into his collarbone and pressed a couple kisses on it, before rolling off the bed and into the shower.

 

“I’m not having this conversation”, Alice insisted.

She was holding a coffee cup of her own, after making one for FP, who was already sitting at the table. The little dress she had put on barely covered anything, and he teasingly grazed her thighs with his fingertips as she walked by.

“Okay, so I’m not coming over tomorrow”, he shot back and took a sip.

Alice rolled her eyes at him and kept making herself busy.

In one of her trips back and forth, he wrapped an arm around her legs and pulled her closer, burying his face in her stomach and laughing as he heard her sigh annoyed.

“Do you really expect me to believe you won’t be here right after you’re done at work?” she teased him, but she was right.

They were both surprised when the door suddenly opened and their kids walked in. They were also both glad they had clothes on.

“Jesus, dad!” Jughead complained as he somehow tried to back away from the situation and drag his girlfriend with him.

“Coffee?” FP offered as Betty walked into the room “I was leaving anyway”.

FP stood up, too happy to worry about whatever was happening, and after taking his jacket headed out.

Alice ran after him and, after closing the door so the kids couldn’t see, gave him a small kiss and hurried back inside.

 

“What happened with your weird dreams?” Jughead would ask a couple months later while they sat at Pop’s.

FP had burned the notebook the weekend after Alice had said she loved him, she had always loved him. And with it he had burned every anxiety and every fear, because he didn’t need them anymore.

It didn’t matter how bad the nightmare was if he was waking up next to Alice.


End file.
